We come to it at last, dear readers, the end of The Acolyte — a confusing end, no doubt, but at least our watch has ended. I’m not sure what I just witnessed; suffice it to say, just when I thought the show couldn’t get any dumber, The Acolyte Episode 8 more or less puts the final nail in the coffin of this utterly bonkers Star Wars series.
Anyway, let’s get to the final episode. There’s little to recap because, like so many chapters in this needlessly drawn-out series, nothing happens during the painfully slow 40-minute runtime. Characters move from one place to the next, say lines, and occasionally hit each other with shiny sticks. Thinking about The Acolyte Episode 8 makes me want to crawl into a ball and sleep for the next two decades.
Star Wars: The Acolyte Episode 8 recap and spoilers
The Acolyte Episode 8 opens with Osha adorned in Qimir’s metal hood. She senses her sister, Mae, killing Sol and decides to try and stop her. Qimir, suddenly an ally despite murdering a group of Jedi a day earlier, tags along.
Meanwhile, Sol finishes telling Mae precisely what she already knew: that he accidentally killed her mother while she was transforming into a demonic vampire. Mae has no compassion for this dumbass male. She breaks from her bonds and escapes! Damn, just as Sol was about to tell her something significant.
The showrunners suddenly remember this is Star Wars and deliver a bit of the good stuff, namely an asteroid chase. Mae, bland as ever, speeds through the CGI madness with all the enthusiasm of a Gen Z-er watching The Ewok Adventure on their cell phone.
Oddly, Sol tries to, ah, murder her … ? What the hell? Who is this guy? His character changes as drastically as Claire what’s-her-face from Jurassic World. He’s the bad guy? When did that sudden character change occur? Sol spent the last decade feeling remorse for accidentally killing a demonic space witch, and now he’s suddenly a cold-blooded killer?
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That weird rat creature sees Sol behaving irrationally and dismantles his ship to prevent him from killing Mae. She, uh, gets away.
On Coruscant, Vernestra meets with a politician who accuses the Jedi of being secretive and dumb. He closes their conversation with a casual, “May the Force be with you.”
Elsewhere, Osha and Qimir continue their, uh, slow walk to their ship. “You should be trained,” he says.
“No,” she says.
“Okay,” he says.
Again, this guy murdered a bunch of Jedi in front of Osha’s eyes the day before, including one who may have loved her. Why does she trust him? Why isn’t she trying to run away? Is she sad that so many of her friends died? Remember Yord?! Imagine falling in love with Jason Voorhees a day after watching him slaughter a group of your friends, all because he has a six-pack.
Oh yeah, Darth Plagueis watches from afar. Oye.
Everyone heads to Brendok. You know, the planet with the giant witch-made structure sticking out the side of a mountain the Jedi didn’t see or detect? Sol chases Mae around the murder scene and experiences a few painful flashbacks. “This is where I stabbed the terrifying f—ing smoke monster,” he murmurs.
Nothing much happens for a while. Then Qimir appears and begins another Kung-Fu fight with Sol. Credit where it’s due; the show does a good job with the lightsaber stuff. It may not top the best the franchise has to offer, but it at least looks cool.
Nearby, Osha finds Mae, and the twins fight. Oddly, it’s a lot like when George Sr. fought his twin brother:
Osha still thinks Sol is the good guy. For the record, so do I. Luckily, Sol, having accomplished nothing during his fight with Qimir, lets his guard down long enough for Mae to arrive and perform that nifty Catwoman move from The Dark Knight Rises, easily disarming him. I mean, the dude just held his own against a ferocious Sith warrior who single-handedly wiped out a group of Jedi, but whatevs. I guess cartwheels are like the high ground in this show.
Osha arrives just in time to hear him admit that he killed her mother, conveniently leaving out the f—ing Satanic demon mist portion of the story. Osha can’t contain her anger. We know this because Amandla Stenberg’s blank expression nearly produces a wrinkle. She holds up her hand and does the Anakin choke trick. Don’t ask where she learned the maneuver, okay?
Sol dies like a bitch after revealing that Mae and Osha are the same person. “The power of one!” Why is this significant? Is this a “neither can live while the other survives” situation? Are they only one-half of a whole? Do they each only have half a brain? Is Osha stronger?
Mae watches her sister murder Sol with all the enthusiasm of a kid who just received a used jock strap handed down from their sibling for Christmas.
Suddenly, Osha ignites Sol’s lightsaber, and the damn thing changes from blue to red because now she’s evil … I think? This moment brings back fond memories of Amazon’s Rings of Power:
Vernestra and her dopey sidekick arrive to find Sol dead. Somehow, she’s able to piece together the events of Episode 4. Then she goes back to Coruscant, having accomplished nothing. I love how this show strategically uses these magical Jedi powers whenever called for in the script but conveniently forgets about them in pivotal moments. Characters could have saved a shit ton of time deferring to their mind-reading abilities.
Mae and Osha bid adieu, and the show presents this as a sad moment. “Let my sister leave, and I will train with you,” Osha tells Qimir. Uh, why? Why can’t both sisters go with him? Didn’t he spend years training Mae? Also, shouldn’t Mae be more compelled to learn about the mysterious stranger who transformed her into an assassin under false pretenses? I thought she turned her back on him after realizing he lied. Is Mae glad her sister is now a murderer? Why is it okay for Qimir to slaughter a dozen people on purpose, but Sol deserves death for accidentally killing their Satanic mum?
“I’ll wipe Mae’s memory,” Qimir says, waving his hand like Bella Lugosi. Why is he doing this? Why does Osha have to go with him? What does she hope to accomplish? What does Qimir want? Are they planning to kill all the Jedi? Or do they train just for the hell of it? What is anybody’s objective on this show?
Later, an empty-headed Mae arrives on Coruscant with the same expression she had when all of her faculties were present. She gets grilled by Venestra, who eventually reveals the truth to the Senate. Everyone reacts with vacant expressions as though they are listening to Taylor Swift’s latest song. The soundtrack soars as though we are witnessing a monumental event. I’m too confused to care.
Venestra tells Mae that Sol was selfish and twisted. Uh, sure. I don’t have a dog in this fight. In my opinion, Sol seemed more like a poorly written character than a bad dude, but what do I know?
Qimir and Osha hold hands and watch a sunset as Plagueis watches from afar like a weirdo.
Oh, and Venestra visits Yoda because why not?
And that’s it. That’s the end of The Acolyte Episode 8.
The Acolyte finale theories and thoughts
I’ve got nothing. This show was dumb. Characterizations were all over the map, and motivations remained unclear. What exactly was the point? What did we learn in the four hours we spent with this odd collection of people?
How did this thing cost $180M to produce?!
I’m at a loss. The Acolyte Episode 8 and the whole season sucked, and that’s all there is to say. If this show receives a second season on Disney+, I suppose the story will focus on Osha and Qimir’s burgeoning love, Mae’s redemption, and Plagueis’ rise. We’ll probably find out that Palpatine is Quimosha’s offspring. Do we need any of this? Probably not. Do the makers of this travesty care? Nope. Is Star Wars beyond repair? Most likely.
Where is the magic, the wonder that used to define George Lucas’s once-beloved franchise? Where are the cool ships, the massive battles, the compelling heroes, and the iconic villains? Star Wars used to be a thrilling piece of escapism packed with endless imagination, produced by the most creative minds in the movie industry.
Now, it’s a lifeless slog, a limp shadow of its former self made by people more intent on blasting audiences with their personal ideologies than delivering captivating entertainment. I’ll gladly take the prequels over this mess.
